I haven't taken good care of myself for a very long time. I have done things with the idea in my head that if I did them people would like me, but this lead me to feeling a lot of resentment because honestly I didn't want to do those things. When I have done things that I truly want to do I don't feel that frustration, I don't feel the resentment... I feel, like my therapist pointed out, light and happy with the choice. I feel good.
What I am finding is, that I need to find my NO. No matter what I do, or what I say, or how I act, I have no control over how people feel about me. I can do all the things "right" and that still won't make people love me, or like me. I have no control over that. So, instead of doing things that do not work for me, things that I struggle with doing because I feel this obligation, and that I am not doing with an open and loving heart, I am going to be ok with (or at least start taking those first steps to) saying NO when I don't wish to do something. I will honor myself by saying YES to the things that matter to me, allow those things to fill me up. My hope is, over time, by doing more of the things that fill me with joy and less of the things that cause me stress, anxiety, and frustration; my resentment and anger will slowly be replaced with love and happiness.
2 comments:
Oh my dear, I do hope you find your love and happiness.
We all want to be liked/loved, but first you must love
yourself! It took me many, many years to realize
there are souls in this world aren't going to like me
'just because', it use to make me cry, but know I'm okay
with that; I like me and I can't control someone else's
feelings. I prayer for you is you find the things that
fill you up with joy, that make your soul sing and
you are happy!
Big Hug to you.
It is so hard to say no. I can relate to your words as I have ended up at near burn out by not saying no when necessary. I have become far more discerning in what I say yes to now. Have you watched Marshall Rosenburg's talk on non violent communication? Their is a big section in it which addresses the problem of saying yes when are hearts are crying out no. The people who really count will love you despite the noes and actually want you to say no when you need to because they care about you and respect your limits. Those are the ones who matter. (hugs) xx
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